Originally published on Advisor Perspectives, May 29, 2018

Every time I give a talk to an audience of advisors, I ask this question, “Can we all agree that fully engaging a prospect is likely to lead to more conversions?” There is universal agreement.

A foundation of the Solin Process℠ is making an emotional connection with a prospect. That significantly increases the likelihood of converting that person into a client.

While much has been written about the importance of making an emotional connection, doing so is challenging. Adopting the mantra of physician, heal thyself, I decided to determine how I was doing in making an emotional connection with the many advisors I work within the course of my coach sessions with them.

This process led me to a breakthrough exercise that immediately improved my emotional connections with others. It is something every advisor can adopt.

Challenges of speaking

A while ago, it occurred to me that my words were inconsistent with my message. In my sessions, I encouraged advisors to switch from conveying information to eliciting it. Yet, my talks to large audiences involved me conveying information and rarely eliciting it.

I turned my process on its head. Before each talk, I send survey questions to the participants asking them questions intended to elicit what’s on their mind. I set up the talk by telling participants it will not be a “presentation,” but rather a 90-minute Q & A session.

By the end of those talks, I had a much better feel for who was in the audience, but it fell short of making a real “emotional connection” with them.

Breakthrough dinners

I’m often invited to join a small group of advisors (10-15 participants) for dinner after my sessions. While the smaller size of this group made it easier to get to know them, I usually ended up talking only to the people seated near me. I wasn’t able to make an emotional connection with others.

I changed my dinner process, the same way I changed the way I address groups of advisors. I work with the event sponsor prior to the dinner. We start by asking everyone to introduce themselves and to “tell us something about you that your colleagues may not know.”

This simple exercise has elicited unexpected – and often very personal – responses. One advisor talked about how she teaches disabled children to ski. I’ve heard stories about macrobiotic cooking, being a diving instructor, running a triathlon and helping underprivileged children.

I follow this exercise with this request, “On a scale of 1 to 10, rate your level of happiness (with “1” being extremely unhappy).” While the answer to this question technically requires only a number, almost everyone explains why they are happy or unhappy. Some are survivors of domestic abuse. Others are battling serious illness or coping with a loved one who has a health crisis. Some discuss the importance of their faith and how they practice gratitude daily. Many have found meditation helpful. Some report systemic discrimination at work, which frustrates them and affects their happiness dramatically.

When these dinners conclude, I feel I’ve made an emotional connection with each person. I hope they feel the same way. They’ve shared personal stories. I no longer view them as just a member of an audience. I feel like I know them.

I’m not suggesting you emulate my dinner experience with your prospects. However, you should look for opportunities to do so. As is evident from my experiences, people are more than willing to share when you give them the opportunity.

Our job is to focus intently on them and empower them. When you do, you’ll have an unbreakable emotional connection with them.

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