The Awesome Benefit of “Going Second”

We’re trained to believe finishing first is a worthygoal.  Sometimes it is but, if you wantto develop more meaningful relationships, consider “going second.”

Here’s why.

More meaningful relationships

Most of us strive to have more meaningful relationshipsin all aspects of our life.

A fundamental premise of my new book, Ask (to be published October 2020), is the power derived from switching our brains from conveying information to eliciting it.

We have a choice when we meet someone. We can “gofirst” by making affirmative statements, often with some self-serving goal(like demonstrating our intelligence, wit or expertise), or we can “go second,”which involves asking questions intended to gently elicit information.

There are many advantages to “going second.” 

You are empowering the other person to talk, whichmakes them feel good about themselves and about you.

You will set yourself up to ask appropriatefollow-up questions, which will demonstrate a sincere interest in what’s beingsaid.

Done correctly, the other person will be doingalmost all the talking and you will be patiently listening.  You’ll be genuinely interested and curious aboutwhat’s being said. According to Dale Carnegie, theauthor of the iconic book, How to WinFriends and Influence People, “Rapt attention is the highest form offlattery.”

By simply listening intently, you’lldemonstrate genuine interest and concern.     

Lack of reciprocity

There’s a trade-off.

No matter how many questions you ask, you’ll be asked few in return.  That’s because it’s so unusual to come across someone who shows an interest in us.  When that occurs, we so enjoy the “conversation,” we’re unaware that we are doing all the talking.

It’s a small price to pay for developing deeper,more enriching relationships.

Resource of the Week

This article discusses the benefitsof developing listening skills.