Don’t get me wrong.  If you want to be a successful advisor, listening is a skill you need. But technical mastery is vastly overrated.  Here’s why.

Listening basics

Much has been written about the importance of listening.  It turns out it’s not easy.

This article is representative.  It discusses the different stages you have to master to become a good listener.   These include:

Listening to receive the message:

A complex process that involves focusing on both verbal and non-verbal cues, and not interrupting.

Listening to understand what’s being said:

This involves not assuming you already know the speaker’s point of view and avoiding premature judgments.

Listening to remember:

This involves focusing on the central ideas of what’s being said and organizing and summarizing the message in your mind.

Listening to evaluate:

This involves suspending judgment until you’ve heard the entire message and discounting for biases and self-interest.

Listening to respond:

This involves formulating a response without providing unsolicited advice and continuing to focus intently on the speaker.

I’ve never met anyone who came close to implementing these stages of listening.  I fall far short myself.

Fortunately, this isn’t a problem, once you understand what I’m about to tell you.

No one cares about your point of view

Think about this.  Once you accept that almost no one can meet the standard of being a good listener, how likely is it that anyone will really process your point of view on the merits?

Here are some basic principles I want to pass on to you:

It’s rare that people genuinely want advice, even in your area of expertise. Most of the time, they just want to be heard.  There’s an easy way to determine if they are looking for advice.  Wait for them to ask for it.

While you may think others are interested in your views, they really want to know how (or whether) you can solve their problem. You can’t solve a problem you don’t fully understand.  Instead of focusing on a complex system of listening, try asking nice, open-ended questions intended to elicit their agenda.  My favorite one is: How can I make this meeting as productive as possible for you?  When they respond, continue to ask questions until you have a complete understanding of what’s on their mind.  When you’re asked a question, respond briefly and ask another question like, Did I answer your question, or would you like more details?

I’m asking you to make a big transition.  You’ll no longer perceive yourself as the oracle of wisdom.  Instead, your new role is to empower others to talk about themselves and reveal their agenda.

Once you do this, the difference in all your interactions will be immediate and transformational.

Resource of the Week

This blog discusses the various stages of listening.  Let me know if you have ever met anyone who followed them.