Originally published on Advisor Perspectives, January 23, 2019

Advisors tell me their goal is to get prospects and clients “fully engaged.” The good news is this is easily attainable. But it requires radically altering the way you approach those interactions.

Two simple exercises prove my point. Bear with me and try them.

Exercise #1:

Sit in a comfortable chair, in a quiet place where you won’t be interrupted. Set your smartphone for 60 seconds.

Close your eyes and focus only on your breathing. Feel the breath go in and out of your body. If other thoughts intrude, push them gently to the side and go back to focusing only on your breathing.

Repeat this process for the full 60 seconds.

When you finish, ask yourself this question: How long did it take before my brain wanted to focus on other thoughts?

The answer will likely be somewhere between “instantly” and “20 seconds.”

There are five paragraphs under “Exercise #1” above. Read them out loud. Don’t rush. Take your time.

When you are done, ask yourself this question: What thoughts if any, intruded while you were reading the text aloud?

I can state confidently the answer will be “none.”

Profound ramifications

The ramifications of these two exercises are profound.

Exercise #1 demonstrates how difficult it is to focus the brain on any one subject, even when that’s all you are asked it to do. It wants to wander and has plenty of capacity to do so. Fully engaging the brain while remaining quiet is exceedingly difficult. Ask anyone who meditates.

Exercise #2 demonstrates a little-known fact. When you are talking, your brain is fully engaged. It doesn’t have the bandwidth to focus on anything other than speaking.

There’s an easy way to “fully engage” someone and occupy all the capacity of their brain: Get them to speak.

If you want to disengage someone, there’s an equally easy way to do this: Insist they listen to you. Keep talking.

It’s easy to implement the lessons of these exercises. Switch your focus from conveying information to eliciting it. If you are tempted to “educate” or “present,” remember the lesson of exercise #1. The more you talk, the more the brain of the listener will wander.

Optimally eliciting information is more than just asking questions. You need to ask the right questions. Asking a couple to tell you the amount of their liquid assets is a question, but it’s one that will cause stress and anxiety. Asking them how they met will make them feel warm, happy and empower them to speak at length.

While they are doing so, they are fully engaged in a very positive way.

These exercises are the foundation of the research behind the Solin Process.℠ They demonstrate why this process is so powerful and effective.

The same principles apply beyond your business interactions. Try it with your friends and family. You will see a transformative difference in the quality of how to relate to others once you stop talking and encourage others to speak instead.