It would be great if you could predict the direction of the stock market.

You could buy stocks at the bottom and sell at the top.

This would be the holy grail for investors.

The financial media perpetuates the myth that some “guru” has the ability to accurately and reliably make these predictions.

But their ability to do so is no more reliable than gastromancy (predictions based on stomach noises), myomancy (predictions based on movements of mice) or my personal favorite rhapsodomancy (predictions based on random selection of a line of poetry).

The next time you hear Cramer or a glib “analyst,” “strategist,” or “technician” confidently predict where the stock market is headed, ignore them and engage in tyromancy instead.

It involves devining the future from interpreting omens found in cheese.

It's likely to be just as inaccurate, but it's far tastier.

If you agree, start using this hashtag: #cnbcnoshame.

https://vimeo.com/327755529