Originally published on Evidence Based Advisor Marketing

Here’s what I’ve learned from extensive research, thousands of interactions and coaching hundreds of advisors:

• We all believe what we are saying is more important than what is being said to us;
• Few of us engage in intensive listening. Instead, we “competitively listen”, which is a nice way of saying we pretend to listen, but we’re really formulating our response to what’s being said and hoping the other person will stop talking.

When you accept these basic principles, you're well on your way to implementing my recommendation for differentiating yourself.

A different approach

What if you totally changed the way you interact with prospects and clients?   You can do the same with personal interactions.  The impact will be immediate and transformational.

Let’s say you’re meeting with a prospect.  I want you to discard everything you typically do at these meetings (talk about yourself, your firm, your expertise, spin the conversation to financial goals, pursue an agenda, assume you are in charge of the meeting, etc.).

I know that’s a tall order.

Instead, you have only one objective:  Show an intense interest in the other person.

How do you do this?

Showing interest

You would think showing a genuine interest in others was easy.  It isn’t.

Here’s an example.

Let’s assume your prospect tells you about a wonderful trip he took to Africa for a safari.  By coincidence, you took a similar trip a couple of years ago.

All your instincts will compel you to start talking about your trip.  But that’s not what I want you to do.  Remember, the focus is on the prospect and not on you.

All I want you to say is something like this:  I can understand your enthusiasm.  We had a similar experience when we went there.  What did you find particularly interesting?

Showing an intense interest in others means avoiding extended discussions about you and keeping the focus on them.

I will elaborate in future blogs.  In the interim, practice this new approach and give me feedback on how it’s working for you.

Resource of the week:

This article in Forbes has excellent tips for developing your “active listening” skills.